What can you do to make her love you?

In certain magazines and on certain radio shows there are often snippets of advice that a contributor would give to their younger selves. From my point of view, the advice would simply be: don't waste your time trying to get a girlfriend.

I've always chatted to anyone who wants a chat and no conversation topic is particularly daunting. However chatting to Middle Class, pony-owning teenage girls at a private school was not an activity I ever had the fortune of relishing. In truth, I was terrified, out of my depth and at certain times cursed the fact that boys who were genuine idiots were first in line for a kiss.

So, if you are either a parent of a teenager struggling with the opposite sex or if you are a bumbling, no swaggering Dyspraxic read on from an informal guide. Firstly what can be asked is: do you really need a girlfriend? People get need and want intertwined but basically very few people to need a woman or a man. What everyone tends to need is to feel secure.

I hated my teenage years for numerous reasons hated the uncertainty, rigid, rigid timetables, and homework that was out to get free time, gossip, status, and looking stupid. But the thing, from memory, that was the hardest to deal with was the fact I couldn't have a decent conversation with anyone. In actual fact, my conversations with, Dash (our mad tabby), Dot (the clever cat), Zola (the swaggering baby of the cat family), and Hector ( our beautiful, maverick, damaged, and utterly mad Cocker Spaniel) were altogether more inciteful.

The point was that naively I thought a girlfriend would feel the hole, but they never did. I don't blame any woman for the stare of rejection or even for not giving me a chance. As a Dyspraxic, I did often have food around the mouth and trousers around the ankles. I mainly blame myself for letting myself be so affected by the teenage extended Private School Boot Camp of Rejection.

This is not meant to be a soul-destroying site for lonely hearts so let me get to some relatively easy solutions. Dyspraxics work best when we focus on one bloody thing at one bloody time. Try to use school to just get the cliché done.

Work harder, work smarter and try to stay tunnel vision-focused. Don't let yourself get distracted by harsh words, or sickening snogging couples, school is a process just get through it. Once you are eighteen you then will have the freedom to do what you want to do.

I loved my secondary school but I absolutely hated the education process. At a horny weekly boarding school, people took a while to realise that my IQ was above minus 42. Mum always used to say that people just take a while to warm up to Dyspraxics. It is a fair enough observation but it was (or possibly is) sometimes an irritating fact.

Parents, parents, parents what can I convey to you? The most important thing is open and non-judgemental dialogue at that. Let your son or daughter tell you stuff and try not to make it embarrassing. If your son is staring at a waitress explain why that woman might not like it. Straightened their views out and challenge their preconceptions. If it is easier to communicate via email, why not email? Try to take the emotion and therefore awkwardness away.

Dyspraxics teenagers in particular should all have older mentors. I'm very lucky that I found Emma, who was far more than a farmer's wife. We lived, Mum and Dad still do, on a farm and Emma's husband was the field-owning cattle farmer. Every Saturday morning Emma would sit and listen as I whittled on about maths ( to black and white), teenage girls, and everything in between over time I came to trust her completely. For my part, I always made sure the tea was the best I could possibly make. The kettle was always overworked.

Anyway, I would listen to her in return about grain prices, calves, rat problems, and out-of-date tractors. Emma was a vital mentor and she has no real clue just how important she was. So if you are struggling talk to someone older, someone strong, and someone his emotionally intelligent and non-judgemental. Thank you very, very much, Emma.

Try to find a hobby away from everyone else and away from relationships. What the hobby is insignificant, the important thing is to find a hobby. For me, it was always Football Manager, TV, and live football. Stamford Bridge was a haven away from all the teenage gossip. Also following on from the previous sentence, try to have a few different groups of friends so that if you fall out with the one you can move on to the next one.

Finally, find somewhere in the world where you are at your most comfortable and stress-free for me it was always Alderney a beautiful Channel Island off the coast of France. Apart from the naturally beautiful charms of the place. The most important thing for me is the people and the fact that they don't judge. That they can ignore or not even notice, ice creams on faces wet sand on faces, or belts in the wrong places. Alderney is my home wherever I choose to live and definitely always will be.

Sorry about the long-winded nature of this post but it is key to discuss these complex issues so that other people can be helped and so everyone can learn. Dyspraxics deserved to be heard and parents deserve the chance to learn about us...